I begin to understand now why Jesus said that it is harder for a rich man to find the kingdom of God than for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle. I've been given my peek, in fact I can swich gears whenever I want to into wide open full throttle pure awareness--all I have to do is relinquish the little big man who runs my life. A monk or sadhu would be obsessed with this gift, but that monk would not be sitting poolside with his golden retriever at his feet or his beautiful wife calling out the window for his attention. Complete surrender, complete acceptance, divine abandonment, these are attendant to enlightenment, I know this, and they are far easier said than done on a full time basis. I am drawn from abiding presence by life's racket. Manifest form gushes up from the unmanifest sea. I am of and beyond both, but the damn splashing distracts me.
The entire universe is behind everything we do, everything that happems. This does not mean that when I come to a juncture in the road the universe will cause me to turn right or left. It means that if I choose to go right, the entire universe is behind it, and if I choose left, the universe assents again.
Every word, every thought, every concept obfuscates what I am. What a great paradox. No wonder so few open to enlightenment or even want to. Mankind is truly lost in the wilderness. We can only hope that the pain necessary to drive us in the right direction is not the pain of annihilation.
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